


I've Loved You Since the First I Hate You

by leeknowcantswim



Series: A Series of First Meetings, Love and Madness [7]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Universe, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Han Jisung | Han is Oblivious, Hate to Love, I hope she likes it, M/M, True Love, and trainiees, back hug in there hehe, fluffy at the end for sure, han jisung is a idiot, hes also a bit of a asshole for a bit, hes so blind to the fact hes in love with hyunjin tho, i got a toothache reading it over, no mention of seungmin and jeongin im sorry, they also both cry for like a tiny bit but happy tears, they are idols, this was a request given to me by my friend, woojin minho and changbin are only mentioned in passing really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 20:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeknowcantswim/pseuds/leeknowcantswim
Summary: Han Jisung loved to hate Hwang Hyunjin.Hwang Hyunjin just loved Han Jisung.





	I've Loved You Since the First I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> Not fully edited :) 
> 
> Comments and kudos always welcome :) 
> 
> Cross posted on my SKZ Amino

The story of Han Jisung and Hwang Hyunjn does not begin as a typical love story. It does not end like a typical love story either. You see, it begins, and ends, with hatred.

* * *

There was one thing that Han Jisung hated about Hwang Hyunjin more than anything. It wasn't his talent, his good looks or his ability to make the best comebacks to anything Jisung said to him. No, while all these things alone irked him to the point Jisung had wrote an whole rap about it (no it wasn't a diss track per say Chan get over yourself), the one thing that made Jisung angry to the point he wanted to physically fight Hwang Hyunjin was the others ability to make him, Han Jisung, blush.

 

Yes. Blush.

 

You see, it was well known among the trainees that The Han Jisung (aka one-third of the genius and iconic 3racha) never, ever blushed. He was the one that made others blush, spitting out pick up lines like they were his lyrics and oozing charisma that made others instantly drool after him (at least, he liked to think that. According to Changbin and Chan it was more his chipmunk-like cheeks that made others attracted to him. He was "cute".)

 

But then Hwang Hyunjin joined the company.

 

At first, Jisung didn't care all that much about the new trainee, didn't care about his supposed good looks, or his talent in dancing. Then it happened.

 

Jisung had been going to practice his dancing when he had walked in on the one and only Hwang Hyunjin dancing to some random English song alongside Felix Lee, another new trainee (whom Jisung had actually made the effort to befriend after getting over his jealousy over the voice of the other).

 

Now, what happened next depends on who you are talking to. If you ask Jisung, he would tell you that Hwang Hyunjin had made a disgusted face at his entrance, proceeding to poke fun at his cheeks (which he was quite proud of), which started a fight between the two. If you asked Hyunjin, he would tell you some kid interrupted his dance session with his best bud Felix only to point out all the mistakes and flaws Hyunjin was making during his dancing.

 

If you asked Felix, the only reliable source really, he would tell you that Hyunjin and Jisung met eyes in the mirror, Hyunjin smiled towards Jisung - who proceeded to blush a bright red (“almost like a red pepper Chris, I swear-”), splutter a few words and rush out of the room tripping over himself. Felix said that it surprised him how fast Jisung could run out of a room.

 

From that day on they were enemies. Hwang Hyunjin and Han Jisung, constantly snapping at each other"s throats and glares directed solely on the other.

 

Jisung hated everything about Hyunjin from his beautiful eyes Jisung could drown in, full lips that he just wanted to kiss, his soft looking hair that Jisung wanted to run his fingers through, that soft grin he silently wanted to be directed at him and solely him - he hated him.

 

Hyunjin hated Jisung too. He hated his adorable cheeks that puffed out in irritation, his gorgeous eyes that drew him in and captured his soul, his alluring rapping and singing (Hyunjin swore Jisung had to be a siren after all, “no one can sound that good Felix I swear it!” “Sure Hyunjin, sure.” “Are you even listening to me?” “About what? You ranting over Jisung once again?”) - he hated him.

 

And yet -

 

On nights that Jisung felt trapped in his lyrics, desperately trying to form words to go with thoughts and feelings he held close to his heart - a boy came to mind. A boy that everyone thought he despised, a boy that in the moments between the anger and loathing, Jisung had managed to fall in love with. A boy that pulled the words from his heart and wove them into a poem that Jisung hid away in the deepest of his soul. A boy that Jisung swore up and down he could never love.

 

On nights were Hyunjin wanted to give up, wanted to resort back to letting people judge him solely on his looks because it was just so much easier than this - a boy came to mind. A boy that hated him first so it was only fair to hate him back. A boy that inspired passion in Hyunjins soul, a boy that Hyunjin had been in love with since the start. A boy that seemed to help Hyunjins body move effortlessly across the hardwood floors of the dance rooms, whose voice echoed in the sound of feet falls on missed steps and perfect landings. A boy that Hyunjin had never let go of even though he had no chance.

 

Han Jisung loved and hated Hwang Hyunjin.

 

And Hwang Hyunjin loved and hated Han Jisung.

 

That's just how their story went.

 

At some point in their not-friendship, things almost seemed to calm down. They didn't greet each other with glares or sneers anymore, instead of giving silent nods and burning eyes of _something else_ to one another. They were almost friends.

 

Jisung still blushed only around Hyunjin, especially at the pet names the other called him(at first in spite, now in a teasing way), and Hyunjin still tried to flirt with Jisung whenever he could.

 

Things were ok. They weren't the best, but they were better than before. You could say they were on the road to friendship.

 

Then it happened.

 

To this day, no one knows how it truly began apart from the two involved. According to the rumours, Hwang Hyunjin and Han Jisung almost fought in the dance room 1a, barely being stopped in time by their friends. According to the rumours, it was Hwang's fault for saying something wrong to Han. According to the rumours, the two never hated each other more.

 

There is some truth to the rumours which spread like wildfire through the company, reaching the ears of management and sprouting worries for the coming days.

 

The two almost did fight, that is true. They had to be stopped by their friends, also true. But what wasn't true was it was Hyunjin that said something rude to Jisung. In fact, the other boy had been trying to comfort the other when the fight broke out, anger swaying their minds to express the rage of the moment physically.

 

In reality, it was Jisung that took the first swing towards Hyunjin. In reality, he hadn't even really know why he did it.

 

When asked later, after being calmed down by a confused and concerned pair of rappers (bless Chan and Changbin, Jisung had thought constantly during these moments), Jisung admitted to not really even knowing why he had swiped at the other - tears forming in his eyes at the memory of the moments before.

 

"He had just been trying to help me," Jisung admitted, "And I just snapped."

 

In the days after, no one saw either boy outside of their dorm. Both huddled under the bedcovers, hearts confused and minds in a maze they desperately tried to escape. Their only rescue was the thought of the other.

 

"I love him," Hyunjin admitted to Felix when asked why he tried to help Jisung, knowing their status as enemies. "I've loved him since the start."

 

"Love? You love Him?" Felix had asked so quietly after, broken Korean sounding like the most soothing words to Hyunjin at that moment.

 

"Yes. So much it hurts to look at him sometimes...especially when I know he hates me so much." Hyunjin eyes had watered then, vision blurring to the point were Felix's concerned face became nothing but a distorted figure.

 

That night, never said anything as Felix climbed into bed beside Hyunjin, huddling close to the other, attempting to wrap a bandage around a shattered heart.

 

It took Jisung only 2 more days after the fight to realize he loved Hyunjin. It came to him when he found himself missing the pet names Hyunjin called him, missed stealing glances at the other as he danced, missed that sparkle in his eye that seemed to be gone.

 

At 9:34 pm on a cold winter night in December - Han Jisung realized he'd been wrong the entire time of knowing Hyunjin.  

 

He was in the middle of slurping back cold ramen noddles from the convenience store Woojin had left for him 3 hours ago, teeth chattering against the cold air that floated in through the cracked window across from him, a reminder of a drunken night with Chan and Changbin long ago -

 

It had been an offhand thought, drifting past slowly as his eyes danced lazily around the room, 'Man I wish I could cuddle with Hyunjin right now, I'd be so warm.'

 

It had taken him approximately 3 seconds before he realized his words and froze, spoon halfway up to his mouth. Chan had taken notice, pulling off his headphones and raising a single eyebrow.

 

"I'm in love with Hwang Hyunjin." had been the response to his unasked question, creating more that would go unanswered as Jisung jumped up, knocking over his cold ramen and rushing out of the old studio into the cold and snowy night towards the trainee dorms.

 

He ignored the calls of his friends, ignored the biting cold and frostbite forming on his sandal covered feet. He dodged through bundled people, ignoring the stares he received. Looking back, oh what a sight he must have been. A boy at the mere age of 16 running through the snow in only a sweater and sandals as if his life depended on it.

 

He was panting as he arrived at the training dorms. It was then he realized his problem. He had no idea were Hyunjin roomed. Did he even room here? Or did he live close by?

 

As panic closed his throat, a door opened in the form of a familiar boy.

 

Felix stood in front of him as suddenly as Jisungs realization, eyes staring into Jisungs own in shock and determination.

 

"Felix I-" Jisung had said, ready to ask for Hyunjins room when the day younger raised a hand, lips pursed tightly.

 

"Why should I give you his room number? You broke his heart." Somehow hearing the words thrown at him out loud and in English made it seem that much more real to Jisung. Why should Felix give him his best friends room number, why should he trust him with Hyunjins heart when he already shattered it so much?

 

"Because I love him." came Jisungs honest reply, "I love him so much it hurts."

 

Something shifted in Felix"s eyes a flash of understanding and acceptance. The boy before him had sighed before opening his mouth with a warning, "You hurt him again, I will never forgive you, birthday twins, or not." (Jisung had cracked a grin at the old joke that had sprouted when it was discovered Felix and Jisung were only one day apart, a clear sign Felix had forgiven him).

 

"I swear on my life, I will never hurt him like that again," Jisung spoke so honestly, already convinced of his own words which he planned to fulfill - as long as he got the chance to.

 

"Room 33." Felix had told him softly, "He has no roommate."

 

Jisung had shouted a "thank you" as he ran towards the stairs, not noticing as Felix pulled out his cell phone with a slight smirk as he dialled Chan, "You owe me 20 Channie,"

 

Jisung barely noticed as he arrived at the door, heart pounding and feet numb. He raised his fist, took a shuddering breath in before knocking as gently as he could on the door.

 

Silence greeted him on the other side for the briefest of moments - long enough for Jisung to fear he'd gotten it wrong, that Hyunjin wasn't on the other side -  when the sound of footsteps coming closer to the door had his heart jumping to his throat again.

 

It didn't matter that he couldn't breathe at that moment anyway because the second the door swung open Jisung felt the breath get knocked out of him instantly.

 

Because he was there. Hwang Hyunjin was standing in front of him, looking confused and concerned as he took in the mess that was Han Jisung standing in front of his door.

 

"Jisung-"

 

"I love you!" Jisung burst out, the words tearing from his throat as he couldn't live without them, "and I hate you. I can't stand the way your hair is always perfect and looks so fucking soft. I can't stand the way you look at me as if I'm this amazing person when in reality im such an asshole I can't even believe I have friends half the time -  I can't stand the way your eyes literally sparkle when your dancing, how you are so fucking talented effortlessly because your you and I can't stand that you feel the need to compare yourself to people like Minho who have been dancing their whole fucking lives when you’ve already beaten most of us here in the talent section and you've only been doing it for a year. I hate that you hate yourself and I hate that it makes me want to wrap you up and - and cuddle you and fucking kiss you - fucking stuff you with all the fucking compliments I can. I hate fucking kissable your lips are. How hot you are when you dance, but how adorable you are at the same time. I hate it."

 

Hyunjin gaped at him, eyes wide and lips trembling. But Jisung wasn’t done.

 

He took a deep breath, licking his own trembling lips, "and I hate that every time I try to write anything - it's about you. It's always about you. I can’t fucking stop writing about you. It's always you."

 

Tears now dripped from Jisung eyes, but he never looked away from Hyunjin’s face, watching as it morphed beautifully into one of realization.

 

Jisung squeezed his hands tightly into balls at his sides, digging his nails into his palms, "Its always been you. It’ll always be you. And I hate that. I hate that I can’t stop loving you."

 

Silence.

 

Jisungs laboured breathing filled the air as he searched Hyunjins eyes for an answer to his unasked question. ‘Do you love me too? Do you love me as much as I do, so much it's hard to breathe? Do you think of me in the nights when you are alone? Because I do.’

 

He whispered it one last time, heart falling to his feet at the silent response. "I love you."

 

He then quickly spun around, eyes filling with tears as he trembled from more than just the cold. He took one step forward, ready to go fall into the arm’s of his friends and cry over everything when an arm snaked out from behind him, catching him around the waist.

 

He froze, eyes widening in complete and utter shock. The arm tugged him backward slightly as another snaked around to join it, wrapping around his chest tightly as a forehead came to rest on the back of his neck.

 

“You dumbass,” Hyunjin had whispered, voice cracking as warm tears slid down his cheeks and onto Jisungs sweater, “It’s always been you.”

 

Before Jisung could second guess himself, he spun around in Hyunjins arm's, wrapped his own trembles limbs around Hyunjins neck, tugging the boy down slightly. He searched the other's eyes for the answer for but a second before reaching, neck tilting just slightly, nose brushing the other's nose.

 

The world around Jisung vanished as Hyunjin leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jisungs softly, firmly.

 

It was in that moment that Han Jisung and Hwang Hyunjin truly discovered the fine line that separates love and hate was nothing more than a finish line waiting to be crossed together. (although they also discovered that Jisung had a cold when he pulled back to sneeze into Hyunjins shoulder - the great defining moment of their relationship according to Hyunjin himself)

* * *

Now, as Jisung sits across from his boyfriend on the cozy couch, cameras pointed their direction as they revealed their past to their fans - Jisung realizes that although it took them so long to understand their feelings under everything else (correction: how long it took him to realize his feelings), he wouldn’t change a thing about the journey to get were they are now.

 

He was happy, gazing into Hyunjins sparkling eyes as the other grinned widely towards him, a teasing smile already forming on the other's lips before Jisung can even comment.

 

“You ready, sweetheart?”

 

And as Han Jisung blushes, cursing his boyfriend for calling him such a name (“on camera even Hyunjinnie, really?” “they’ll edit it out babe, don't worry.” “Don’t call me babe!” “Why? You can’t handle the heat of your own face?” “HWANG HYUNJIN!” “Calm down honey!” “UGHHHH!” “Love you too darling,” “Shut up already!” “...” “Love you too…”), he realizes that he would never, ever, regret hating Hwang Hyunjin.

 

(and as Hwang Hyunjin watches his boyfriend splutter and blush, he realizes he was right in loving Han Jisung from the first ‘I hate you’.)


End file.
